Living The Life Of A Teenage Soap Opera
by Lindsay Braveheart
Summary: Each Chapter is based on and even or problem this young High School girl has and you will follow her through out her high school career.The only Question is . . . can you handle The Life Of A Teenage Soap Opera?
1. Introduction

_**A story told By: Yours Truly and based on actual events that had indeed taken place!**_

_**Once Upon A Time. . .**_

My stomach shakes inside my skin. I no its because I'm nervous but I don't know what I'm nervous about. I'm sick to my stomach and cant figure out why. Is it because I'm lost within myself or is it because I'm lost in someone else? Who am I? I have yet to find out. I still have to find myself. Who am I. . . who will I be? I don't know her or do I? I thought I did but I was wrong! I don't know what I want. I don't know who I want. That's how I am lost in my mind! I'm lost within my thoughts and desires that have slowly but surely over powered me can everyone tell? Can anyone see? I try to describe my feelings but theirs no words that can describe my endless thought, my endless want, my endless pain along with my endless torture. You want to no what really goes on inside our heads? Do you really want to no how we feel how we act? Do you think you can handle living the Life of a Teenage Soap Opera.


	2. Chapter One

_**Chapter One**_

Today I have once again done what I have been doing for the past five to six months. I broke up with him again. Yes again! We have been on and off sense November and it is now June 1st and two days left of school. I thought I felt the way I said but once again I didn't. Another heart broken and it wasn't just his. I am a heart breaker. A player. That is what I am. I am meant to have an impact on people then let them go. I'm not meant to have a relationship I'm 15 years old and I am going around hurting guys! What am I thinking! I'm not ready for this! Any of it! I can barely handle school let alone guys! I no I have said this before but now its sticking. No more dating till I feel ready and it feels right! I'm not going to date someone if were only going to date for two weeks or less! Being a girl sucks more than guys no! They don't know the pressure. They just don't know or understand they never will! There just not meant to they cant handle it! They can barley handle us when they date us. Most guys my age are so immature. There not serious about anything. All they want o do is go down your pants. Which wont happen with me I'm NOT other girls! I want a relationship a real one not based on sex! I wont have that. Not at my age so ill just have to wait. I wont wait forever but if I don't find that relationship I am not have a relationship with a guy like that. ill be fine without one. I don't need a guy I can hangout with my friends and family. I wont base my life on guys. Life isn't all about them. I cant. I can be independent. I am my own person. No guy can change that no matter what. I would have never said that in August. If you cant tell already I am a very emotional and dramatic person. And anyone who tells you other wise is lying threw there teeth. I am one of those people who realize on other to make my self feel better but not in the bulling way. I could never do that. I help people with problems and in turn they help me with my own I remember the advice I gave them. I must say do as I say not as I do. I say to most of the girl that I have had a on and off relationship with a guy three strikes your out. Well not with me. I keep on going till I get hurt. Its my curse. I tend to fall back to the same guy. . .A LOT! That's why I am choosing to stay way from those kinds of relationships right now because if I don't ill hurt more and so will other people. 


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

Girls are mean! That I am not afraid to admit. Were not only mean to each other but some are just down right mean to guys or everyone in general. I try not to hurt people but sometimes its better for them to no the truth than to hear a lie. Like in break up situations. Guys if you break up with us for another girl or you don't think were cute don't tell us that and don't immediately go out with someone else that show you have no respect for that person or there feelings. Plus we end up finding out and then we end up knowing the real reason then we hate you for life and wish you dead. If you think we want to no then tell us if not then shut up! I'm not a bad girl friend ask any of my ex's I'm friends with a good percentage of them because just because I don't like them that way doesn't mean I don't want them in my life. Most of my Ex boyfriend's are my best friends because there the kind of guys you can tell anything and they're there for you. The reason I'm not friends with some is because we lost contact or they did something really bad. Which for me is rare. All of them were great but it just didn't work out but there still my homies! No I'm kidding there my really good friends.

Most of my friends are guys. Why? They listen to you and generally don't stab you in the back. Guys tell me when I'm doing something they think I shouldn't be doing. There honest with me and more open than girls who generally hide it. Don't get me wrong guys hide it too! But Girls hide it from girls. Guys share it with guys and me! One bad thing is that all guys stick together. So when I want to hang out with a few people it ends up being a lot of people. Then they start talking about there girl problems and ask me questions well guess what its my turn! Why is it when a girl says she needs time to think they guys gives her a day or two and then thinks there okay? It takes more than a day or two! Sometimes the stupidity of guys over whelms me with laughter! Do they really think of what they say or does it just pop out? Do they even care that they hurt our feeling and make us mad when they say this stuff? Do they try to act that way or is it just genetic? There all they same! Now I no why girls date older guys. If a freshman girl and a senior guy are dating it most likely because there on the same maturity level or the guy wants to get into her pants or both! Which is kind a sad! Guys need to grow up! There immaturity annoys me to no end. Then they ask why your mad at them! They were yelling at me because I bumped into then and they dropped there pencil! Come on! When was the last time you heard a girl yell at some one because some one bumped into them and they dropped there pencil? How stupid is that. My words of advice to all you guys out there. . . suck it up and grow up because we are not you mothers!


	4. Chapter Three

_**Chapter Three**_

Its was first year of high school and I was so exited! I got to meet new people and start over a new slate from jr. high. I was very proud of my-self. I walked into my first class (theatre) and I saw my friend Darin sitting in a chair across the room so I went to go sit by her. We talked up till the bell rang then announcements were over and Mr. Carr did attendance and had us do these games to get to no each other and to build trust. Sense it was a Theatre class and we would have to have trust in each other for little skits we would do for class. I new a couple of the guys from around my Neighborhood. So we talked for a bit and got well equated then the bell rang again it wasn't till 7th hour

I freaked! It was choir class and I loved choir. So when I entered the cafeteria I recognized a girl from my 1st hour class and we talked for a little bit then Mrs. Light our choir teacher told us to go in our voice areas Alto, Soprano ,Soprano 2 and so on. So I went over by the Sopranos and sat in front so I would be able to see. I sat by Leann, Alison, Colleen, and Kelly. We all very Quickly became friends. AS the Year went by I was doing great in all of my classes. Then our December concert came and we were all doing posters and Leann had her friend Robby do posters with Alison and I.

I went over to Leann's the day we were suppose to meet Alison never showed so it was just Leann, Robby and I doing the posters. Robby and I flirted a little and by the time we had to go gave each other our numbers a week later we stared dating.

I was so Happy! He was so nice and very cute. Then people started telling me things about him like I am one of the few girls he hasn't dated in the school. That he's a major man-hoe. So I then realized I didn't want to be involved in that so a week later I dumped him. He called me and we talked and he explained everything and why people said stuff. Then we talked about us so we could get to no each other and our past relationships and our families etc. A couple weeks later we were dating again. It was basically like that for 7 months! He would get Jealous I would get mad because he would try to control me and I felt restricted mind you I was the one breaking up with him all the time. He broke up with me twice. One was because he found out another guy liked me and heard I would break up with him which wasn't true! Then the last time we broke up he broke up with me because he "Didn't feel it anymore" in other word he was afraid I would break up with him again! I wasn't going to that time either! That was s the sad part. I was sad for days then I realized I was wasting my time on not only him but dating in general! I always get hurt and it tends to be my fault so if I don't put myself in the situation then I wont get hurt. So I'm taking a break from dating!

Which brings you up to date because I made that choice a week ago and I am fine. Its when school starts I might have a problem. I see him at school plus a hundred other guys! I no if I see him with another girl I will want to cry so I have to avoid him as much as possible. That way I don't get hurt, but the problem is I want him in my life but if he's my friend I hurt because I'll watch him date other girls and I'll wish it was me. If I don't have him in my life I'll just keep wishing he is and still see him waling around with a his new girl friends and want to cry. So I'll have to grid me teeth and bare it either way because either way I don't win.

I want him to be happy but I want to be happy too! The reason why I hate him so much right now is because when he told his friends what I was saying he made it sound like I was obsessed and I'm not! Then he called me obsessed! On the phone! He wants to be my friend well I'll tell you what is said. I told him that if he wants to be my friend then he better call me when he can talk and treat me like a friend till then I'm not calling or talking to him and I will erase his number from my phone how's that for obsessed! Then I hung up I have talked to him in two weeks so I'm never talking to him he can suck it up and talk to me! Between me and you I never erased him number from my phone just so I no its him when he calls! I cant wait till the day he realizes he still wants me and I've moved on! I will laugh at him when that day comes! So he Knows how it feels to be laughed at and so he knows what its like to want what you cant have. What its like to know that its his fault I got away, and that he cant have me! I cant wait for that day.


	5. Chapter Four

_**Chapter Four**_

Revenge isn't always a good thing and here I didn't even think about it at first. Until My mom told me "All he wants is a rise out of you. He knows you'll react so just don't react. Don't care!" that's what I am going to do and have been doing. In fact its working because I really don't care his loss not mine I can find someone better who wont be a pig headed jerk! The only thing is now I have to find him. The thing is though I don't want to. I want a break from guys. I don't want to deal with the heart break, immaturity and competition I feel every time I'm around one.

I want to be friends with them for now maybe go with them to dances but that's it no boy friends. I'd rather hang out with my friends then with a boy friend. I feel like I should be finding myself and not a guy. A guy cant be me I can, but I have to find me before I can have a relationship with someone that wants to no who I am and wants to get to no me. If I don't know who I am then the wont. So I think my real problem is that I'm only 15 I'm not suppose to have a real relationship until I'm ready and as much as I want to be I'm not. If I don't know myself how am I suppose to no someone else?

I no every girl feels this way but when you see it and can say it and no it's a problem it feel worse. Knowing that all this time I thought I new who I was and just now finding out I didn't sucks because now I have to find me all over again. I don't no if I'm ready for that. I don't know if I want to no who I am. I mean there a part of me that does and then theirs the part that is afraid that I never will so theirs no point. I no I have to but I don't want to be disappointed in who I am and/or who I become. I want to be happy with me, and happy with everyone around me, and I want everyone around me happy with who I am too. I am Just scared that I will never find the real me and therefore neither will any guy which means ill be alone forever.

I no I always say I'm never going to get married I'm never having any kids and that's true but I at least want someone there who will be with me threw no matter what. I want someone who will care and stay with married or not. I may want to get married someday but right now I cant see me getting married I cant even seeing me find the right guy! Let alone get married! I'm afraid that it wont work that if I do that they'll leave and I'll just end up at the start of things again with a broken heart and I don't think I can take that. I can barely take it now just imagine when I'm older.

I want to work have a life live in a at least to me a big house with a backyard. I want to hang out with my friends on Friday night and have parties just to have one. I want to do all that stuff but I also want some one to experience it with. I no I'm to young to think about this stuff but I cant wait to grow up!

Mom my told me that I have always wanted to be an adult or older than I am. That ever sense I was a little girl I could wait to be a big girl so I could do big girl things. I've always had big expectations for myself and I always want to accomplish them and if I don't I get mad and frustrated and I want to kill something. The thing is though I think being an adult is a lot more fun then being a kid you don't have as many rules. The world is your playground and I want to see it be in it without my parents have to hold me down. I'm very adventurous. I want to find things out for myself. That's the way I am. I like knowing that I can make mistakes (not big ones) and no I have a place to come back to were people love me and understand.

My parents were trouble makers as kids/teens. I don't want to be that way but I no I might, but I still no that I want o try things for myself and see if they work for me. Just because they didn't work for them doesn't mean it wont for me. I'm not them. I no its hard for my mom to get that I'm growing up I'm not a baby anymore for as much as I no she wants me to be I'm not. I want a life outside of my house outside of my family. I want to do something I no know one has done before in my family. I want to perform I want to do what I like to do and get paid for it. As much as I no my mom doesn't want to me to I want to. I like the idea of being in front of an audience I like the idea of having fans and all that stuff. I think I can handle it all.

As you can already tell I am not one of those kids with rich mommy's and daddy's. My parents work hard for what they get. My dad works two jobs and still has time to do stuff with my sister and I. My mom works five days a week and takes care of my sister and I plus the house on the weekends. I love my parents but they still treat me like I'm two. I want to be an actress but my mom doesn't want to put me in that world. She thins its to cruel and that I wont be able to handle it. If I can handle high school I can handle the press. Its all the same little lies to make our lives seem more exiting then they really are. People like hearing about how people are messing up now a days. I hate that its like everyone ahs to no everything because there famous so if famous people are perfect who is. Oh Oh pick me I no the answer to that one hey lets try NO ONE! I mean seriously who does anyone no who is perfect in every way and have never done anything wrong in there live. I cant name one person! Why try to be some one your not. I hate that! That's why I don't care what others think of me. If they don't like me for who I am then That's there Problem not mine because they don't know me. So what's the point of wasting my breath on some who doesn't care or want to care.


	6. Chapter Five

_**High School Functions**_

I hate school events! Everything always goes wrong ! All I wanted to do was talk to him but no Rachel had to get involved and it all exploded! I wanted to talk that's all Its not something I can explain. That's why I didn't want to talk to him anymore! I'd rather have friendship then nothing at all! I love him and he doesn't get it. . .he wont understand he never will! Guys drive me nuts! Now I'm really not dating! It's not worth the pain and energy! I'm never going to a school function again! I am sick of everyone getting into my bossiness I've never done anything to them so why get involved in everything when its just making it worse! I hate school! I hate guys! I hate life! I might change schools because this is the third year this has happened to me! People are saying stuff about stuff they don't know about! I've never done anything to them! So why do it to me! Did you think I would tell anyone ? Well I didn't someone heard someone saw and told that I was in trouble then I freaked out! You cant speak for yourself so someone does it for you? Are you to little to speak for yourself? The drama of high school drives me nuts! I don't disserve this and you don't disserve me there fore this friendship of ours isn't a friendship anymore! I cant deal with this anymore no more not today it ends today!

I am sick of being the party favor and I am sick of everything and everyone around me who criticizes me when they don't even no who I am! They think they do but they don't, and they never will because they wont take the chance to try. I am nothing to them and that's how I will shall always be till the say they realize how self absorbed and idiotic they really are. Till that day they shall remain snotty and unliked because they think they are better because they have money and are popular but money and fake friends wont make you happy in life love and a guy who loves you for you and not your label that's what makes you happy that's why we live. If none of us have that it doesn't make us less loved we still have our friends and family who would do anything to see us happy and do anything to see us smile, but what if you cant? What if you cant smile knowing that something inside has to come out there is something you have to do but cant because you no you'll just have your heart ripped out and torn to threads right in front of you and he will stand there and do nothing to help because without knowing it he's the one with the shedder in his hands. Guys are stupid and oblivious to there surroundings and need to start paying attention and realizing that a girl cant get over a guy as quickly when they feel strongly for them. They'd rather act like nothings wrong ,when in fact everything is, just so they can be friends and so they can have them in there life so they no what's really going on with them. How do I no this? I've done and am doing this right now! Yes my life is going down the tubes and he didn't no till tonight when every thing crashed and burned at our schools first home football game! At every school function something has gone wrong its my curse that's why I am taking a long break no more I cant take it and my friends are going to have to deal with it because I have to.


	7. Chapter Six

_**Chapter Six**_

Okay once as a girl you realize that you don't want a boyfriend you generally don't like guys hitting on you to much, because then you start to want a boyfriend even though you don't like anyone enough to date them. That is how I feel right now! I like guys there cute and everything but there not my type well they are they're just them there for I cant date them! There like my brothers and or friends whom I have known forever! So I cant date them without fear of loosing that friendship if it doesn't work out. Like okay my ex boyfriend from like 7th grade asked me out and stupid me said yes then broke up with him the next day because I barely no the kid anymore! So he understood and then like 5 days later asked this other girl out I'm like okay whatever because I liked him but still didn't no if I wanted to date him or anything. Well he heard I found out then starting telling his girlfriend all this stuff that I have yet to find out. Now she wants to beat me up because I dated the kid! I dated him in 7th grade! And when he asked me out this year we weren't even dating! We didn't even go on a date so technically we weren't dating!

Girls bother me I no we are mean because I am one for heavens sake! I no I can be mean but I try so hard not to be. Like when this chick was saying stuff about me I wasn't saying stuff about her because I don't want to sink to that level! Plus I don't know the girl so way would I say anything about her? I don't know what to say because I don't know her and I don't have anything against her. Except she should get a live if she wants to beat me up for dating her boyfriend like 3 years ago? Honestly does that make sense?

Okay change of subject back to the no boyfriend thing. Okay boyfriends waste of my time right? Guys don't get that because there are like 10 guys who like me! Well ok I exaggerated theirs like three and there all nice guys and all but one has a girlfriend thank goodness and the other I met at a fair and the third I met at my youth group! So he's a nice guy well they all are but you no how it is? Well maybe you don't but sooner or later you will!


	8. Chapter Seven

_**Chapter Seven**_

Okay there's this little thing called heartache that no one likes to go through right? Okay well my second real boyfriend I met through my friend who liked him at the time. When I met him I really like him I mean one of those oh my goodness I can't believe I know someone like this why is he even talking to me kind of things okay? Well my best friend ended up setting us up kind of she talked to him and she brought me to a youth group thing and on the way home he asked me out and I said yes he walk me to my door and we kissed. I could tell my other friend this because she liked him! She would have killed me. Well I told her and we didn't talk for months okay I mean months! We are friends now but that's a later story. We went out for six months till out of the blue he dumps me ON LINE! Yes ONLINE! Through AIM no less.

Then he called and said he "didn't love me the same as he did when he met me" lying sack of shit told everyone else a different story and he swore up and down that it wasn't for another girl but okay three days after we break up he is making out with some girl he don't know a party… JERK! Then he got a girl friend like a week later and cheated on her 10 times and once was wit me…but I didn't no they were dating let alone that he had a girl friend other wise I wouldn't have done what I did.

Then I felt bad and I told him to tell her and he's all like" I will... sooner or later" and I am all like "sooner rather than later". Then I said, "If you don't tell her I will" and he's all like "I'll tell her".

Did he tell her nope! My friend sent her a message with our conversation we explaining everything to her and she like hates me now I think but she gave the jack ass another chance! I mean what the hell is she thinking? Well apparently she wasn't but hey what am I going to do its her fault she is letting him get away with it. If I found out I got cheated on that many times dude I'd be like "fuck you ass hole I'm gone!" Well I am not her so I have no say in the matter.


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

When will mothers realize that there baby girl isn't a baby anymore? I mean honestly! My mother let me out till 10:30 last night, and all of s sudden tonight I had to come in at ten. The day was the same as yester day I have to wake up at eight for work but know I had to come in at ten. Its not just that either its like come on mom in less then 3 months I am turning 17 and there is nothing you can do about it and no matter how much she try treating me like a baby isn't going to make me grow closer to her its making me hate her even more than I already do!

She is so… err… like there are times when I understand her reason but I think she is just afraid I am going to do something. I mean I was right outside the house in my guy friends' car. She knows I won't do anything so I don't know what she's freaking about and she knows he won't try anything on me! We were talking for crying out loud. Heaven forbid I should ever talk to one of my guy friends in his car for over a half an hour? She makes no fucking sense! I don't understand her! She's all like "I do these things for a reason." Or " I don't need to give you a reason". Well guess what if I have to give you a reason you have to give me one too! So what now!

She doesn't get anything she doesn't understand and I don't think she cares either. Well at least she never acts like it. There are days where every thing is good but lately its like " Grr bitch leave me alone!" and she's really getting to me its not even funny! I am like wanting to strangle her! I just wish for one day she could live my life and see the shit I go through then maybe for once she'll under stand why I do the things that I do! For now I want her to leave me the fuck alone and stay away form me before I rip her to shreds!


End file.
